Timotheose - A son in the Faith

Well, Conan had a very different answer to this question and he can, unfortunately not offer me the type of guidance that he did when I was younger. I have a new Master now and His Spirit is leading me in VERY different directions than the giant Cimmerian of Hyborea.

I am, it seems being molded and worked, prodded and pulled into a new way of life and a new perspective on my life and it is quite uncomfortable, painful even. God seems to be opening my eyes so that I can see how shallow and meaningless some of my pursuits have become over the last year. I have begun to 'love' the world and its trappings, its definitions of success and happiness and I despise myself for it.

My calling is to follow Jesus into the wilderness, not into the slothful consumerism and slavery of our western decadent culture. I choose to follow him and thus have no place to rest my head and I wish to recommit to that response to his request of 'follow me'.

Here is a list some of the lies that I have believed ...

- buying and purchasing can make you happy
- physical health is as important as spiritual health
- security is mine to create
- my needs are more important than my fellow human beings needs
- my time is my own
- I will always have more time


The truth is, love is everything. Love of my fellow 'image-bearers', no matter what faith, background, ethnicity, gender, social status is all. I want to live a life of love like that. I want to follow my Lord and Savior into the type of life that he lived. "No greater love does one man have for another than he should lay his life down for his brother" he taught. I pray for that, I long for that and I know I am so woefully inadequate for that kind of love and I thank God that he has given me His Spirit so that I can be lifted into that type of love in time.

Today I hurt and I mourn for the lack of it.

Over the last couple of days the Lord has been teaching me a few things about my life, my ways and my heart. Some of it is good, some is hard to hear.

This morning's devotion got me thinking a lot about Family. I am re-connecting with some of my family having not maintained contact as well as I believe God would from me. In the Proverb it says that a 'brother' is born for adversity, and I ask myself who are my brothers?

I have always had a tough time staying 'connected' with my friends and/or family. This has been at least partially due to having an unhealthy amount of pride and shame, which, when I screwed up or made mistakes conspired to keep me from facing them again.

I am happy to say that today, due to my Rebirth as a Child of the Most High this aspect of 'the old man' are dieing, and yet there has been much harm done as a result of these sins and much work needs to be done to amend the past.

I am also forced to realize that today my family is primarily my Christian community. My brothers are those that I have come to know and love by the Spirit and in the Spirit like Caley S., Richard H., Dave M., Robert S., and so many others.

This reminds me of the Lord's insistence on pre-eminence in the lives of his disciples. HE must come first in all of my loyalties and affections. I would gladly follow till the end and yet I know how desperately I need His grace and power to do so.

I pray often that I never forget that the Lord does not "delight in sacrifice" or "take pleasure in burnt offerings" alone but that "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart" as David so wisely states in the 50th Psalm.

Thank you Father for your never-ending mercy and goodness to us all.

In Christ,
Tim